Austin Dispatches | No. 208 | Aug. 18, 2018 |
Stupid motherfuckers will be
the death of me. The evening of July 15, the intersection light at Springdale
Road and Highway 290 turned green. The two cars ahead of me started, then
inexplicably stopped. I immediately, loudly sustained my horn to prevent what
happened anyway.
Someone hit the back of my
car. Repair estimates flashed before my eyes at the moment of impact. A dumpy
Latina driving her boyfriend’s Dodge Challenger profusely apologized in the
parking lot of Alterius Career Colleges for “not paying attention.”
Surprisingly, my bumper
sustained merely cosmetic damage. The Challenger fared worse, with a dented
license plate. She and I decided not to involve insurers. Still, I could’ve
ended as dead as CodeNEXT.[1]
No wonder I can never get ahead. Obviously, this incident did nothing to dispel
widespread negative stereotypes of women or Mexican drivers.[2]
She has to go back … to driver’s ed.[3]
I said nothing the next day
at work, but my officemates slunk around me like guilty dogs anticipating a
beating.
Austin Death Watch
Among the factors that lead
to the City Council’s approval of a soccer stadium deal in my neighborhood, I
suspect the clincher was a local LaRouchie leading opposition to it.[4]
She has a near-perfect record of supporting the losing
side of municipal issues while antagonizing the other conspiracy-minded pinkos
of the power elite. Even the Travis County Libertarian Party’s sad sack
contingent shunned her.
Austin Energy’s July
newsletter offers a lot of dubious advice about lowering electric bills.[5]
No, LED bulbs are crap. Moreover, it’s summertime
in Texas. It’s why air conditioning is widespread. Paying more than $100 a month
for physical comfort and keeping cockroaches at bay isn’t something I’d complain
about. Note the utility doesn’t offer to stop charging me, despite its concern.
Meanwhile, since at least July 19, the National Weather Service’s numerous
excessive heat warnings advise us to stay indoors and use air conditioning if
possible.
And why do Austinites endure
a municipal utility? According to a new history, Austin’s first dam, in 1893,
was built in a bad way in a bad location, ran 20 percent over budget, and failed
to generate the amount of electricity promised. Then the dam burst in 1900. The
aftermath nearly bankrupted the City, and put residents on the hook for the next
three decades.[6]
Some things about Austin haven’t changed.
Moreover, rising property
taxes have claimed yet another venerable eatery.[7]
Authorities fished a corpse out of Waller Creek downtown.[8]
Two Capital Metro buses crashed into each other. Another bus caught fire. Cap
Metro halted service on 28 others, and I noticed my commute was about five
minutes faster because buses weren’t getting in the way.[9]
The local power elite
publicly frets after a fraction of the pedestrians I see blithely crossing major
thoroughfares against traffic far from crosswalks, which itself is a fraction of
pedestrians doing this daily, finally got clipped, probably by the same driver
who crashed into me.[10]
Austin’s Equity Office
suggests renaming Austin because its namesake owned slaves.[11]
In this same office, blacks and browns are at each other’s throats over an
escalating workplace complaint.[12]
Given the mentality of the people who run Austin, I suggest renaming the city
“Stalingrad.”
Meanwhile, Saharan dust,
killer bees, and West Nile virus-bearing mosquitos fill the sky.[13]
Neighborhood News
Elsewhere in the
neighborhood, the Statesman’s traffic Web page reported a collision at MoPac
Expressway and Loop 360 on July 23, and Aug. 1 and 13; at MoPac and Highway 183
on July 27, and at Braker Lane and Burnet Road on Aug. 17.
After more years than I can
recall, workers repaved the intersection at Metric Boulevard and Lamplight
Village Avenue. On Aug. 11, the traffic lights at this intersection failed.
Five businesses have opened
in the neighborhood. Another three have expanded or relocated.[14]
Big Lots at the Parmer Crossing shopping center has remodeled.
On the Town
Aug. 5:
My odometer passed 100,000 miles. This has
happened twice before, on previous cars, but the Honda I
drive now is the longest-lasting car I’ve owned –
no thanks to other drivers.
Aug. 14:
Found a
dime outside the Bob Bullock Texas State History Museum.
Media Indigest
I met the recently
deplatformed commentator Alex Jones through mutual acquaintances about 20 years
ago, when he was becoming locally famous.[15]
In conversation, he didn’t know who H.L. Mencken was, so I didn’t take him as
seriously as his Chronicalista detractors, for example.[16]
Within six years, he’d developed a national reputation. On C-SPAN, an author of
a sociological analysis of conspiracy theory fielded many call-in questions
about him.[17]
The Statesman’s new owner
will axe its Spanish-language counterpart in October.[18]
Business Roundup
Midmonth, I watched the
landscape crew at the office blow the leaves from the lawn onto the parking lot
in the morning, and blow the leaves from the parking lot back onto the lawn in
the afternoon. A coworker explained I’m just supposed to notice them looking
busy.
Notes in the Margins
My high school class was
supposed to hold a reunion August’s first weekend,
but as with five years ago, I couldn’t find any
evidence online that it actually happened. Maybe it didn’t.
Home | Archives |
NOTES
[1] Barbaro,
Nick. “ZAP!” AC 10 Aug. 2018: 12; Jankowski, Philip. “Suddenly, CodeNext Is
Code Nixed.” AAS 2 Aug. 2018: A1+; Marloff, Sarah. “So Goes CodeNEXT.” AC 10
Aug. 2018: 18.
[2] Demaris,
Ovid [Ovide E. Desmarais]. Poso del Mundo: Inside the Mexican-American
Border, From Tijuana to Matamoros. 1970. Rpt. New York City: Pocket
Books, 1971: 40-41.
[3] Jha, Lalit
K. “Trump: All Illegal Immigrants in U.S. Will Have to Go Back.” India –
West 4 Mar. 2016: A20.
[4] Barbaro.
“Major League.” AC 17 Aug. 2018: 14; Hernandez, Nina. “Throwin’ Shade.” AC
17 Aug. 2018: 16; Lyttle, Kevin, Jankowski, and Chris Ellis. “Austin City
Council Votes ‘Yes’ to MLS.” AAS 16 Aug. 2018: A1+; Salazar, Daniel. “Austin
Agrees to Work Out a Deal With Precourt.” ABJ 17 Aug. 2018: 4; Sanders,
Austin. “ ‘Now, We Play Soccer.’ ” AC 17 Aug. 2018: 16; Sanders. “Transfer
Fees.” AC 3 Aug. 2018: 14.
[5] “Enjoy
Summer Savings.” PowerPlus July 2018: 1.
[6] Clare,
Elizabeth H. Images of America: The Austin Dam Disaster of 1900.
Charleston, S.C.: Arcadia Publishing, 2018.
[7] Barnes,
Michael. “After 65 Years, Frisco Shop Will Soon Be Closing Up Shop on Burnet
Road.” AAS 20 Jul. 2018: B1.
[8] Bradshaw,
Kelsey. “Man’s Body Found in Waller Creek.” AAS 26 Jul. 2018: B3.
[9] Bradshaw,
and Mary Huber. “Buses Sidelined After One Catches Fire.” AAS 1 Aug. 2018:
B1.
[10] Bradshaw.
“Pedestrian Deaths Renew Warnings.” AAS 28 Jul. 2018: A1+.
[11]
Jankowski. “Report Raises Idea of Renaming Austin.” AAS 28 Jul. 2018: A1.
[12] Tuma,
Mary. “The Ethics of Equity.” AC 17 Aug. 2018: 15.
[13] AD No.
145n10 (Oct. 8, 2011); Bradshaw.
“Fourth May See Relief From 100s.” AAS 3 Jul. 2018: A1; Laughead, Laura. “UT
Needs to Be Careful.” DT 24 Jul. 2018: 4; “2nd West Nile Case
Found in Travis County People.” AAS 26 Jul. 2018: B1.
[14]
“Impacts.” CIN Jul. 2018, Northwest Austin ed.: 6-7.
[15] Foster,
Daniel. “Against the Rage Machine.” NR 27 Aug. 2018: 56.
[16] Mencken,
H.L. The Days Trilogy, 2nd rev. ed. Ed. Marion Elizabeth Rodgers. New
York City: Library of America, 2014.
[17] Barkun,
Michael. A Culture of Conspiracy: Apocalyptic Visions in Contemporary
America, rev. ed. Berkeley, Calif.: U of California P, 2013;
Washington Journal. C-SPAN, 12 Mar. 2004.
[18] “Gutting
Our Daily.” AC 17 Aug. 2018: 12.